by Deb Schanilec
Ah, yes. The new year's resolution hoopla is in full force.
I hope you've found a way to insulate yourself from it.
Any self-respecting change process worth its salt hasn't transpired because of a calendar page turning.
That is not to say that growing restless and weary of some unacceptable circumstance continuing into the year quickly approaching hasn't been the inspiration for the dropping of a habit that doesn't serve, while successfully exchanging it for one that does.
Peel back the surface of that inspiration however and you'll see the true mechanics of change at work. The order in which these layers peel themselves away isn't important; it's the peeling away that matters.
Layer #1 - There was an element of closure underneath that successful inspiration.
A line was crossed in our thinking as to how things were going to be from now on.
A recognition dawned of who exactly held the keys to unlock the door of the self-imposed prison we lived in.
A belief was busted.
And things were never the same again.
Layer #2 - There was a draining of resentment, justification and self-loathing juices from our daily marinade.
We bumped into a set of words we'd not heard in quite that way before, and suddenly it all made sense.
That thing that occurred years ago, and the resulting position we defended for decades because of it, it lost its hold on us.
Any substantive change I've ever seen happen, happened because the person identified a piece of misinformation that was running them, and then dropped it for a truth that set them free.
Not "the" truth.
Just a truth.
And that made all the difference.
Layer #3 - While we might not have been aware of it at the time, there were also hundreds of baby steps involved in getting us from Where We Were to This New Place.
None of them could have been skipped, hurried or replaced.
Each of them was required to dismantle the old guard and establish the new.
So if you find yourself these days wanting to say, "This is going to be the year that I....," hang on a second.
Instead of joining the millions of folks who, a few short weeks from now, will be bemoaning the fact that their resolution has once again gone rogue on them, cut yourself some slack.
This especially applies in terms of relationship deja vu and Same Guy, Different Face (SGDF) Syndrome.
Right now, you can start to peel back your own layers, instead of beating yourself up over why Mr./Ms. Right isn't showing up yet.
You can read more about the process here.
In the meantime, take it easy with those resolutions.
They can really get your year off to a bad start.