The most exhausting thing you can do is to be inauthentic.
~Anne Morrow Lindberg
Someone recently asked me the question, "What do you want?" More than anything, I want to be authentic. The slings and arrows of existence are so much less harsh, so much less crippling, so much less debilitating when you come from the place of who you really are. Actually, the slings and arrows morph into rubber imitations of their former selves. We don't give them the power we once did, and they are laughable, amusing, rather than sucking one dry of vital energy from dodging them indefinitely.
For me to be authentic, daily life must include depth. Depth of experience, depth of relationship, depth of soul. Skimming across the top just doesn't cut it. Pretending that it cuts it is even worse. Now I feel the tug of Goddess Wild Woman on my arm saying," Cut these posers loose and let's get serious about having some fun!"
I just read a bit about her in Goddess in the Office: A Personal Energy Guide for the Spiritual Warrior at Work by Z. Budapest. "This all-important deity is bored to death with our modern jobs. She sleeps throughout the day on her bed, unruly, woolly, and needy. She demands attention, so we give her coffee and doughnuts and sweets of all kinds, which work on her for a while, but not for long. She wants to be touched, made love to, entertained, and instructed."
These days I feel her, reminding me to lay claim to what I've discovered lest I lapse back into the sleep of forgetfulness. Often now there are memories from my teens and twenties that float up out of nowhere, replaying the stories that were written one way because the Goddess wasn't around yet. Well, she was, but I just didn't hear her communication above the proverbial din.
I can fill in the gaps now, add the experience and the depth that was missing back then. Thank you Goddess for never ceasing your call.
Depth includes striking up conversation with perfect strangers, and they are perfect, every single one of them, in a store, at work, online, and enjoying the deliciousness when they play with me. It includes going deep with those I already know and love and resonating with the results on an even deeper level.
Depth means calling myself on not being honest with myself as soon as I realize what's happening.
Depth means telling my truth in spite of it possibly making someone else uncomfortable.
Depth means pushing the envelope on how I choose to live, making up new rules as I go along, charting new territory when the old ones don't fit me. It means changing my mind, because it's OK to change your mind.
Depth is in the house when my soul smiles.
