Connected and Committed

demo

from Post Secret

Sent: Sunday, May 27, 2007 3:21 AM
Subject: year of losses

It's funny how losing everything helps you find yourself.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has believed rumors, hated me, tormented me, screwed me over, and abandoned me this year. You made me who I am. And I finally love myself.

doesn't know the difference

The Universe does not know whether the vibration that you're offering is because of something you're observing or something you're remembering or something that you are imagining. It just receives the vibration and answers it with things that match it. --- Abraham

the mystery is

Cooking is not a mystery.
The more heart we put out
the more heart we put in.
To bring cooking alive
we give our life. Giving
our life willingly we don't get put out.
Washing cutting cooking cleaning,
exploring ways to give life to our life.
Not knowing already how and what to do,
practice feeling it
out of what is not known
through the warmth and anxiety,
not sticking to a particular way,
insisting it is the only way
even though it is quite good;
open to feeling the various possibilities,
the tentative ways of giving life to our life.
To feel out our left hand, our back, our toes,
to feel out our breathing, our movements, our stance,
this is our freedom, this is our wisdom.
The mystery is that it is possible to do
what we don't know how to do.

Edward Espe Brown

**********************************

This makes me weak in the knees.

Who are you, and what can you do about it?

appetite rendezvous

I have an appetite rendezvous jones goin' on.  My body knows that it's going to get a treat tonight, and it's been producing hunger pangs this afternoon, the likes of which I haven't experienced in awhile. It's quite exhilarating, actually, and I can't wait to get home to put a pot of brown rice on to boil and play some mood music while I prepare to ingest real food again. The soup I made turned out very well, if I do say so myself, and I can't wait for the tastes to explode on my tongue when I add the rice to it.

My copy of  the I'm Grateful living foods cookbook was waiting for me when I got to work this morning. Interesting stuff - one would need to invest in a food dehydrator and a Cuisinart in order to do this on a full-time basis. Or even part-time. Imagine never having to use an oven again. I'm also exploring some ayurvedic philosophy and recipes. I'm thinking that somewhere in the balance of a few practices is what will feel the best for me at this point in my body-food journey. Definitely organic as much as possible, whatever the mix. I am so grateful I live in circumstances where that is a viable option for me. Thank you, universe!

#44 - Choosable

I've been detoxing.

You may have bumped into the ten-day detox cleanse that's been zooming around the blogosphere and other places lately. Well, I was smitten when I first read about it, and a few weeks later was doing it myself. What sold me was the overwhelming consensus as to how good you can feel while doing this thing. I wanted some of that.

And I got it. The load that's taken off your body and your system by not chewing solid food is incredibly freeing - if you are allergic to certain foods and don't know it, you'll soon find out doing the cleanse. And no cooking for ten days! Woo hoo!

Another fringe benefit is the temporary weight loss - I don't own a scale so I'm not sure where I am in that department, but the way my clothes fit me lets me know that I'm lighter, in more ways than one.

What I didn't bargain for during the whole experience was the emotional angle. The accounts that I had read on other people's blogs included snapshots of whatever private hell or irritation they went through on particular days, but these women were dealing with some very specific and singular issues that don't apply to the public at large.

Emotions did come up for me, and since there was no distraction factor available from food, they were able to hang around the kitchen table and chat rather than be delegated to the cellar. My higher self showed up too, and helped me see that these feelings were powerless when I chose for them to be.

I got accustomed to observing them come up, and then diminish. They stood in puny relief compared to their original configuration, sort of like the Wicked Witch of the West meeting her demise.

Only with these buggers, I know they will never totally disappear. And that's OK. As long as I maintain the perspective that puts me in the alpha male position, we're good.

As a result, as I transition back into consuming the food that I choose, I am way into dropping stories that I've been telling myself for decades, about myself, and about other people. And replacing them with questions.

I'm a big fan of Byron Katie, and her set of questions to turn around a mindset are a great example of how to jump-start a shift. Take a situation that bugs you on whatever scale, and enjoy the investigation:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Then there is the Sedona method:

1. Could you allow this feeling to be here?
2. Could you welcome this feeling?
3. Could you let this feeling go?
4. Would you?
5. When?

Perhaps the best question of all I've run into lately is one a friend shared with me - apply liberally, "Why do I love my life so much?", and see where you are in a few weeks' time, on even the toughest of justified positions. 

I put a personal spin on this one, and came up with a question that resonated even more strongly for me. "How awesome is it, already being chosen?" I had a story going that I wasn't - choosable, that is. Digging around a little deeper, I discovered that this had so much more to do with my perception of any past  chooser than it ever did with me.

I'm already chosen by the universe - it has supplied me with ample proof that I have nothing to prove to anyone.

Especially me.

Which leaves me with another possible alternative.

I choose myself.

What a novel idea.

cleanse day 10

What an awesome day. I went out to buy provisions to create the yummy soup I get to eat tomorrow night:

Which is now this, simmering on the stove:

Can't wait.

The OJ did taste good today, but the return to chewing food isn't what I'm focusing on at the moment. The renegotiated emotional slopes are what I'm fascinated with right now.  More later in my newsletter.

I remade this chair's seat, covering it with new fabric and adding it to my collection:

cleanse day 7, 8, 9

Looking over the edge into chewing food again, I am thrilled to have gotten to this point in the cleanse. The past fews days have been unremarkable in that regard, just drinking the drink and daydreaming about what I'm going to put in my body starting tomorrow at 3:00. I have a jug of orange juice primed and waiting for me. I hear it's going to be the best OJ I have ever tasted, and I would imagine that will be true. Even preparing food for others hasn't been an experience in agony or temptation. If I ate anything now, I'd surely end up in the hospital or worse, so there's just no room for anything but keeping on keeping on. Around day 4 I though it would be great to continue this for an extended period of time, but I've changed my mind. I'm happy to get back to the business of preparing and consuming food. And mindfully, please.

branches

water

facts and dreams

While reality and facts were not given to making promises, they were at the same time also disagreeable and dull and no match for the power of dreams.

~Sidney Poitier - The Measure of A Man: A Spiritual Autobiography

one-room schoolhouse

shoes

house

cleanse day 6

A normal day today. Except for the definite shift in energy right before I left the building where I work for my lunch hour to head to the library for a handful of dvds for the long weekend. That stuff travels far and wide and instantly, that energy.  And it's only a matter of waiting for it to happen, cuz it always does. And there it was, shooting me down the river again, sweetly and effortlessly.

I'm slowly gathering information for what it is I'm going to be putting into my body after the cleanse. Not in any rush though. I know it will come naturally and easily, this shift to something new.

One thing I have noticed however. The last few days, the warm weather has been an attraction to me, to be outside and in the sun rather than away from it. Not like me at all. Not sure what that means, or what exactly brought it on, or if it's even significant, but it's there.

unlimited

You are not on earth to make things happen. You are not on earth to spread the love. You are not on earth to make it a better place or to learn acceptance of the things you cannot change. You are not on earth to find your soul mate or your purpose. You are not on earth to put the needs of others before your own. And you are most certainly not on earth, Debra Schanilec, to suffer, pay penance, be tested, or judged.

Did I leave anything out?

You are on earth, Debra, because in your loftiest state of being, perched high above the wonderment, at the pinnacle of your glory, you wondered what it would be like, even fleetingly, to believe in limits.

You sage -
    The Universe


Thoughts become things... choose the good ones!®
© www.tut.com ® 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And when you can grasp this, Debra, from within the illusions, you will also grasp how unlimited you truly are. (And we'll probably never hear the end of it...)

dahlia

hello, epiphany

It's day 5 of the cleanse, and there you are. Well, one of you, I assume - I suspect there may be more of you out there, waiting for the right moment to appear - when I'm ready. You showed up in slightly less dour trappings than you might have, even a few months ago. That was interesting in and of itself. But this time, rather than under the guise of dysfunction, you were inner being coming to sit down at the kitchen table for a chat. Finally. Mugs in hand, we faced each other and sat in silence, all the communication being non-verbal, running behind the scenes in a river ambling sweetly on the back forty.

I asked you, "Why?" And you answered, "You know. You've always known. It's right there, rather than deeply hidden underneath layers of pain. You can pick it up and look at it."

So I did.  Quietly. No drama. Just reminiscences. Speculation on my part, followed by substantiation.

Oh.

That's why. Jealousy, abandonment, approval-seeking, neediness, unworthiness - just a mirage, a facade. A story.

To let go of.

cleanse day 5

Not much new to report except that I think my tongue is starting to turn pink working from the tip on back. I am so grateful that my diet up until now has been such that this whole experience wasn't a nightmare of a transition, like some of the stories I've been reading out in cyber land. And I want to keep it that way - possibly going more vegetarian and even trying raw foods. I still want taste and variety, but ehn, really, how much variety was I into before? I've got the Cafe Gratitude cookbook on its way for some ideas in that department. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

already

You already know.

     -- Alan Cohen

**********************************

Gives you goosebumps, doesn't it?

nudges 05/23/07

I am so happy and very grateful for:

1) My body's ability to respond to this cleanse experience that way it has, with enthusiasm and spirit and knowing;

2) Spending a beautiful spring evening with my friend, getting some high-energy exercise and the soothing, low-energy kind too;

3) Giving myself permission to rent instead of buy;

4) Manifesting more and more creative outlets;

5) No-meeting zone on Wednesday mornings;

6) Chair massages;

7) Getting rid of stories that no longer serve me (if they ever did);

8) Libraries;

9) Spelling everything right the first time.

sunset

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............

cleanse day 4

It's a little early to be reporting on today's experience yet, but I feel compelled to record that I  feel rea-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-y good this morning. Awake and able to focus, more so than I remembering being able to even before I started the cleanse. Wow.

bogs you down

Rest seems like a nice contrast to overwhelment, but enthusiasm is always chosen over rest. The only thing that ever makes you tired or bogs you down is resistance. --- Abraham

more gerber goodness

 

cleanse day 3

Went to work today and seem to be none the worse for wear. I felt a bit more fatigued than usual, but not by much, and was able to provide the services I am supposed to without mishap. As long as the sugar from the maple syrup is running through my veins, I am fine. Stocked up on more lemons, the organic variety this time, and already went through a 64 ounce jug of syrup - still a very cheap grocery bill this week and next.

I've been expecting an epiphany of sorts - maybe it's too early in the process. Perhaps around day 12, after I'm finished with this phase and move on to paying close attention to what I put in my body.  I can deal with that.

Started reading Little Chapel on the River by Gwendolyn Bounds, non-fiction, her account of how her life changed when she least expected it, in ways she least expected, by hanging out with the regulars at a neighborhood bar in a Garrison, New York, in 2001 - yes, that September 11th. Love the theme, love the characters - and that label is very apropos for these real-life folks - love the slower pace of her life out there in the boonies. One of the reviewers said about it - "A so superbly woven tale that putting it down would cause heartache." I wouldn't mind having my writing described that way someday.

Salvation Army window

acrylic on bristol board

cleanse day 2

A few moments of light headedness, some temptation to eat some cornbread I made for my son, but immediately followed by the thought that I can eat whatever I want in 8 more days. Don't seem to miss chewing food, at this point anyway. Still able to bicycle with my son on my folding bike, which means I don't pedal very far or very fast. Getting anywhere from 1200 to 1800 calories a day from the maple syrup in the drink means I'm not wasting away in the slightest, although I notice a shrinking of my waist line. Tomorrow at work will be the next test.

kimono

love every problem

I went over to the other side with a lot of fears about toxic waste, nuclear missiles, the population explosion, the rain forest. I came back loving every single problem. I love nuclear waste. I love the mushroom cloud; this is the holiest mandala that we have manifested to date, as an archetype.It, more than nay religion, or philosophy on earth, brought us together all of a sudden, to a new level of consciousness. Knowing that maybe we can blow up the planet fifty times, or 500 times, we finally realize that maybe we are all here together now. For a period they had to keep setting off more bombs to get it into us. Then we started saying, "We do not need this anymore." 

Mellon-Thomas Benedict

choose anything for your children

Parents can't choose the mates of their children or the behavior of their children. You actually can't choose anything for your children without disempowering them. --- Abraham

cleanse I

Last night I thought, "Hmmm...what if I just start the cleanse tonight? Little Man won't be around all day tomorrow, and I've done enough tapering off of my eating that I think I'm ready." So I skipped dinner, had the laxative tea before bed, and here I am. Not hungry - yet - and feeling pretty good. I tried the sea salt flush once last weekend, and nothing happened, so I maybe doing the nightly and morning tea instead. More to come.

red elephant ears

pots

cabbage

the best in others

To evoke the best from others, you must find a vibration that is a match to the best in others. --- Abraham

it will respond

Fear only exists when you do not understand that you have the power to project thought and that the Universe will respond. --- Abraham

knowing

A few weeks ago I had my first knowing moment, inspired by energy that flowed from good music, good company and good creative juices. This morning I had another one on the way to work, driving in four lanes of rush hour traffic and rain falling. If I can have one under those circumstances, then I can have one anywhere.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It's about time you got the chance to be
knocked on your ass by a flood of positive surprises and good feelings.
I hope you're trusting enough to go with the tidal flow, even if it does
temporarily render you a bit woozy. Naturally you'd like to know if
this giddy surrender will land you in trouble. Is there any chance that
you'll have to endure some karmic adjustment at a later date because of the
fun you're having now? Here's my prediction: absolutely not. If anything, your enthusiastic cooperation with the free-form dazzle will shield you
from any negative repercussions.

****************************************

And it will path the way for more good stuff to come down the pike. Letting go of that notion that we have to somehow work to deserve our well-being is the best gift we can give ourselves. Everything else follows after that speed bump has been leveled.

Came across this story about self-image and the dalai lama:

the dalai lama was meeting with some western researchers and teachers and one of them asked him about how to help her students with their feelings of worthlessness and shame.

the other participants eagerly awaited his answer, because they also had students who struggled with this.

he was very puzzled and went back and forth several times with his translators as it didn't make sense to him. HE HAD NEVER HEARD OF THIS CONDITION.

when he finally was sure that indeed this WAS what the issue was ---he again inquired of the teachers, "THIS is the issue????" he was assured that yes, he understood the issue.

and then he asked of the teachers, "And do YOU struggle with this, also?" (I'm paraphrasing here, cuz i can't find the article handy right now.)"YOU EXPERIENCE THIS???"

the teachers assured him that yes, they TOO struggled with this.

the dalai lama was incredulous at the idea that WE COULD NOT LOVE OUR SELF.

he was genuinely shocked.

*************************************

As he should be.

walking on stones and thorns

Wanting to reform the world without discovering one's true self is like
trying to cover the world with leather to avoid the pain of walking on
stones and thorns. It is much simpler to wear shoes.

- Sri Ramana Maharshi

*****************************

And forget about reforming the world. It's doing just fine. When we transform ourselves, one person, one change of mind at a time,  the world transforms itself.

red

erased

Those old habits don't have to be erased, they just become replaced by a new habit that is more in vibrational harmony with who you are and what you want. --- Abraham

a way to grow

I will seduce you and teach you a way to grow, [to learn] who you are, what your talents are and where you belong." Melle Hammer, designer

blue

   

for this again

This gift  I give myself is getting easier to give.

Doesn't mean that don't I slip up and watch myself try to pretend that it might be OK to go for something that isn't good for me anyway. Now, though, that I've been practicing some, I know I'm watching, and to disappoint the watcher, the observer, well, that's just too much pain to contain anymore. The observer deserves more than that.

And it's different now. I recognize the inappropriate, the unsuitable, the incompatible, the shallow end swimmer. It's a sort of scattered, all-over-the-place feeling I pick up, since their energy isn't focused. It feels like I'm waiting at a bus stop for the connection to show up, and it doesn't. It can't, because it's the wrong street, it's the wrong route, it's the wrong bloody bus company.

It's easier to say, "No, thanks." And mean it.

What makes it even easier to spot is knowing how the exact opposite feels. When that bus arrives, actually just the approach, when you see it coming from a few blocks away, there is confirmation, there is anticipation, there is a letting go. The doors swing open, and there are so many interesting conversations to begin in any given seat. And the destination on the sign above the driver's head--that's just for looks. The possibilities unfold as far and wide as I am able to allow.

And what about that--living large, wide open, full-throttle, inhaling the texture of every day until it hurts so good you cry out in gratitude?

What about that?  

hold on

 

angling

What is the point? Well, what the angler is trying to achieve--although if you try too hard you're missing the point--is to be. Yates talks of merging with the water, abandoning oneself to the contemplation of the mysterious world beneath the surface of the water. "It's like a veil," he says. "You want to live it, make contact with that other dimension. Water can hypnotize and tranquillize, inspire and galvanize like n0 other medium."

~from How to be Idle - Tom Hodgkinson

all gerber, all the time