just be

I'm balancing on my father's tennis shoes, age eight. Some neighbor is talking--grown-up talk about gutters or football--but then he stops and looks down at me. "Third grade," he says cheerily. "So, what's your favorite subject?" I don't hesitate: "Recess." I flash a self-conscious smile.

Recess, I'm thinking, really is better than math and history--it's what I've just learned, still swirling in my head, plus the freedom to digest it, plus the Jungle Gym, plus some rare emptiness. But I smile because at eight years old, I already know what's expected. Although no one has ever sat down to explain it to me, I understand the requirements of a culture driven by a work ethic, the need to keep structured time in its place. So, I go on to say to the nice man that spelling's pretty good too.

I regret it to this day.

--Chris Colin