Wednesday, January 02, 2008

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a bitter pill? The superiority of the female clitoris to the vagina in stimulating the process of female sexual response is enough to throw many a guy into a tailspin and make him question the very meaning of life, or at least the meaning of his penis. But as difficult as it may be, it's important to separate the concept of procreation from pleasure: the penis, by dint of its convenient fit into the vagina, may play an instrumental role in the former, but that doesn't mean it's ideally suited to the latter. This sort of talk is none too popular, mainly because it challenges the very foundation upon which our society's conception of sex has been forged, and throws into doubt the value of intercourse as the principal paradigm for constructing a model of mutual pleasure. From losing one's virginity to the consummation of a relationship to the cherished simultaneous orgasm, our culture has enshrined the role of genital penetration as the be-all, end-all of heterosexual relationships. Where would the "third date" be without it? The idea that genital penetration might be seriously overhyped is a bitter pill to swallow, especially for those men of the world who base much of their self-esteem on the value of their penis in stimulating female pleasure. As we will soon see, there is a long history of "clitoral denial" in our culture that stems back to Freud--a way of thinking so deeply embedded into our collective consciousness that even a woman is more likely to question, or repress, the natural instincts, responses, and sensations of her own body--or just fake her way through it--than to challenge the conventional wisdom or risk bruising the male ego. Is it any wonder, then, that according to author Lou Paget the number one question sent in by female readers...

Deb Schanilec

Connected and Committed relationship transformation strategist.

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