Connected and Committed

ode to discontinued items

A few month's ago I went into my local Target store to restock my underwear supply, and nearly fainted from disbelief: the style of thong panties that I had come to rely on was nowhere to be seen on the display racks.

I will admit to a rather emotional connection to these garments. There are many reasons that make them the perfect candidate for me to wear, both tangible and intangible, so my reaction came as no surprise to me.

Seeing no other option, I bought several others made from, in my estimation, inferior ingredients and design. They do not fit the way I want them to, and I do not like them.

So when, a few days ago, I was reminiscing in the intimate apparel section and lo and behold came upon something similar to what I wanted, I thought I had experienced a reprieve from underwear hell.

I thought I should do the responsible consumer thing and go forth and buy more, piles and piles of them, in other store locations.

Ha! the universe says. Those are being discontinued too. You just stumbled upon the only remaining pairs.

Sorry.

What is a poor, dependent consumer to do? I don't understand why this is happening to me. Am I powerless against the design decision-makers at Target? Is it worth the time and effort to let them know of my despair and entreat them to rectify the situation?

How hard could it be to make my own? I've tried. It's hard.

I have to laugh. Otherwise I'll cry.

balloon

While pushing my shopping cart away from the checkout yesterday, I encountered a little person, maybe two years old, thoroughly enjoying the white balloon a store employee had just offered her via the ribbon that she pulled on to make the helium container dance. The employee was filling up more balloons to add to those already corralled on the ceiling and noticed how rapt up in this little angel's joy I was. "You want one too?" he asked. I smiled and gladly accepted his kind offer, and brought it up to work with me. This morning the helium has dissipated, but the moment is captured in the balloon anyway.

cause and effect and the measurer

Been listening to the Stumbling on Happiness cds. Such the typical scientist who makes sweeping pronouncements and attributions, while not even being aware of other considerations that might explain an outcome. Many times I’ve shouted, “Wait a minute - what about…” at the cd player. Like his describing research done on people living in nursing homes who were given plants to take care of, and were assigned young volunteers to visit them, and given free reign to decide when they would be visited. A significant number of the subjects enjoyed more vitality, medications were reduced, and their overall outlook on life improved while involved with the experiment. The control group was given plants but others came in to care for them. No young volunteers came in to visit these folks.

Through some shortsightedness and callousness on the part of the researchers, the experiment was terminated. Much to their chagrin and surprise, a significant number of the group who enjoyed taking care of their plants and establishing relationships with young people, died a short time after their environments returned to normal. The researchers, and the author, attributed this unfortunate result as deriving from the nursing home residents losing control of their environment, period. No mention about having a reason to get out of bed in the morning because you had a living thing counting on you, or that you had a relationship to nurture that gave your life meaning and purpose.

Hello.

the source

The Source

When we speak of being "grounded" or "centered" it is this Source we are talking about. When we begin a creative project, it is this Source we tune in to. This card reminds us that there is a vast reservoir of energy available to us. And that we tap into it not by thinking and planning but by getting grounded, centered, and silent enough to be in contact with the Source. It is within each of us, like a personal, individual sun giving us life and nourishment. Pure energy, pulsating, available, it is ready to give us anything we need to accomplish something, and ready to welcome us back home when we want to rest. So whether you are beginning something new and need inspiration right now, or you've just finished something and want to rest, go to the Source. It's always waiting for you, and you don't even have to step out of your home to find it.

Zen asks you to come out of the head and go to the basic source...It is not that Zen is not aware of the uses of energy in the head, but if all the energy is used in the head, you will never become aware of your eternity...You will never know as an experience what it is to be one with the whole.

When the energy is just at the center, pulsating, when it is not moving anywhere, neither in the head nor in the heart, but it is at the very source from where the heart takes it, the head takes it, pulsating at the very source - that is the very meaning of Zazen.

Zazen means just sitting at the very source, not moving anywhere, a tremendous force arises, a transformation of energy into light and love, into greater life, into compassion, into creativity. It can take many forms. But first you have to learn how to be at the source. Then the source will decide where your potential is. You can relax at the source, and it will take you to your very potential.

urban light

stuck in time

I just finished watching Groundhog Day again.

From another perspective.

I was thinking about the people who watch this movie and identify with the part where Phil thinks he will never, ever get out of his personal hell. It appears no matter what he does, things will never change. Getting out of bed seems like an exercise in futility.

I'm sure I've felt like this at various points in my life. I have the journal entries to verify.

Holding that anguish and heartache for them tonight.

panel discussion

there's a reason I don't sew

Because I suck at it. I love design and abhor execution.

This afternoon I tried my hand at fashioning a pair of pants. A comfortable pair of pants, Thai fisherman style, from fabric that I bought awhile back because the rain forest blue in the pattern made me smile. I had a pair of jammie-style drawstring pants I bought from the thrift store to use as a pattern. So three ripped out seams later (I did take home ec., and Mrs. Kroll did teach me to stitch the fabric right sides together, but apparently I've forgotten a thing or two since then), I have a pair of pants - I'll probably never wear them outside the house, but I like them anyway. Creating them reacquainted me with my 30+ year old sewing machine - it still works, except the thread kept breaking - and something about the hum of the needle going up and down relaxes me, even if I know that the project in my hands is most likely for naught.

It's still fun.

rhythms, integrations

I've dubbed myself with a new moniker - I am a blissmonger.

I've played around with this name for awhile now, and I've started building an online space where it can express itself. When I get closer to having that nailed down, I'll let you peek. My life is so full and so blessed and so crazy wonderful, it's only right to give back and share this with other people.

I appreciate so very much:

1) Being around people who keep their energy up and sustain a vibe of play and fun and shining brightly with who they are. It makes for such delicious interaction, even with virtual strangers;

2) Spring springing like it is - I suppose I'll be a tad crestfallen if the snow that's predicted comes to fruition later on, but now, it is just perfect;

3) Healing touch and skin-to-skin communication. Nothin' like it;

4) The Internet and the freedoms it allows me. Truly amazing;

5) Meals prepared with love and perfection;

6) Music that stirs up the ancient Brazilian and East Indian and Aborigine and Cuban, etc., etc., ancestral blood in me that must have escaped the genealogical research done on both sides of my families. Must find a place to study belly dancing;

7) Friends far-flung across cyberspace who make every day such a joy;

8) Love. It's what it's all about. Every minute of every day, regardless of any so-called evidence to the contrary.

pow wow

stumbling on happiness

"The mistakes we make when we try to imagine our personal futures are also lawful, regular, and systematic. They too have a pattern that tells us about the powers and limits of foresight in much the same way that optical illusions tell us about the powers and limits of eyesight. That's what this book is all about. Despite the third word of the title, this is not an instruction manual that will tell you anything useful about how to be happy. Those books are located in the self-help section two aisles over, and once you've bought one, done everything it says to do, and found yourself miserable anyway, you can always come back here to understand why. Instead, this is a book that describes what science has to tell us about how and how well the human brain can imagine its own future, and about how and how well it can predict which of those futures it will most enjoy."

Stumbling on Happiness - David Gilbert

Something about this man's ideas has me intrigued. I want to know if he has any inkling of another paradigm existing in the universe in which our future selves dovetail quite nicely with our present selves because our ensemble of personas are no longer under the illusion that they are separate. He is a scientist, after all, and his world view is probably going to travel in certain circles where mine does not. But I'm glad to know that he seems to be happy in his own life. He seems to have stumbled upon what it is his future self was trying to tell his present self all those times about being happy and what it would take to live there.

overflowing

I saw this bowl over the weekend while my soul was filled to overflowing with magic and textile input and sunshine and love and sensational vibes and dark chocolate and Aussie style licorice. Makes my heart skip a beat just to look at it. Reminds me of the magic, and looking in the mirror and not knowing who that was looking back at me.

thinking differently

I hate the thought of getting up in front of people and speaking.

At least, I thought I hate the thought.

Because today I actually volunteered to do it.

Perhaps the appeal of having fun in front of people I know and work with overcame the usual trepidation and dread. I have no idea, but I have my hat in the ring now for the "opportunity", it was called, should something come along for the next quarterly operations meeting.

Holy crap.

feeling

Lots of bumping into the idea of Feeling lately, and how tuning into how you feel gives you power to choose wisely as to how to expend one's energy.

As recently as yesterday, I didn't really get that.

But today I do on a much more profound level.

The past few days, the ways my body has been telling me when to move forward on an idea, when to say no, when to stay in a holding pattern for now, they are showing me that I know, in no uncertain terms, how that works on a level that I didn't think I would ever understand, much less learn to navigate.

This knowing is intoxicating, and invigorating, and empowering.

It provides a deeper sense of well-being than I have ever experienced.

And a sense of freedom, that reveals itself in many ways, over a period of time when encountering what I don't want, which in turn refines what I do want.

And there is responsibility lurking, wanting to remain vigilant in fostering this skill on a daily basis, not lose it. There are inklings that this is like the bike riding memory. Once it's in your cells, it's never gone.

And of course there is the wanting to share this in some manner with others.

Living by example is a good start.

w

generational baggage

Today I was feeling like I haven't for awhile - like I could feel the long line of ancestral baggage lined up on the platform at the station, ready to accompany me wherever I might be going. Some were leather pouches, centuries old, the hide gleaming and smooth with body oils and good use. Some were steamer trunks beautifully painted to start of a new life in the New World. Some were garbage bags that had broken open and spilled their contents everywhere. Some were ridiculously large, and some were humorously small.

My lineage. My opportunity to say the buck, or the bite, stops here. My chance to say, "Um, no thanks. Blissmongers do not take pleasure in dwelling upon their baggage."

Someone else can sort through it and take anything they find of value.

blissmonger bracelets

I've been having fun creating blissmonger bracelets - check them out here!

WTF?

There is snow outside, on the ground and in the trees.

Waa, waa, waa, waa.

Not likin' that so much. However, I hear that the temperatures will double in the next few days, and I'm likin' that very much.

Carry on.

it feels good

mongering

"I must be aware of bad things, and guarded about bad things, and I must watch out for bad things by trying to guide myself toward good things." You can't do both at the same time. You can't watch out for bad things, and allow good things at the same time. It is vibrationally not possible.

--- Abraham

*****

So it boils down to what kind of mongering do you want to invest your time in: fear- or blissmongering?

ornery

Awwwwwwwwwwrnry.

That's how I was feeling yesterday morning.

Not a feeling I'm given to experiencing much, so when it shows up, it's interesting to observe and try to figure out what it's all about.

I had an inkling of what might have brought it on, and now that sometime has passed, with the feeling, I think I was right.

You know how some people just cut you off when something about you doesn't fit their definition of you, or of their narrowly defined parameters of relationship? Well, I think that's what this was all about. Still shaking my head at it, but there it is. Their loss, and my gain.

Next.

fifth grade cubism

full on

A full on teacher anxiety dream this AM - with a twist. I left.

After dealing with four class periods of semi unruly kids that were quieted eventually, and after being observed by some supervisory presence, I returned to the classroom from using the water fountain in the hallway to continue as a substitute and saw another teacher in the seat at the teacher's desk - Paula from my last school. She didn't recognize me as I was leaving, but it felt great to get the hell out of there.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.......

normal

My re-entry to the workaday world yesterday was quite jarring. I feel like I'm caught up in some cosmic polo game, and I'm the ball. Feeling adrift on open seas, pulled inside out and reorienting in every moment. But in a good way :-)

It's not so much the going to work part, or even that it was a Monday, it's the re-entry to another dimension thing, like it's just not my environment here in this building anymore. It's not my concern that my company isn't going to do things the way I think they should - I just know better, and that's all that matters. I think I've focused so much on what I want that it's become a bigger part of my consciousness than I realize, so much so that now my body is telling me in no uncertain terms when I wander away from where I am destined to be, among other things.

And that's a very good thing.

The universe's way of introducing me to solid food after a glut of pablum perhaps. I've gone through periods of letting go and coming out the other side into grandeur and things being so much better, but this feels different. This feels bigger, more at my core - more. Like the more layers you peel away, the bigger the base gets, so the layers that get peeled away have more impact. And there are infinite layers, so the impact just gets bigger, and bigger - or maybe it's that it becomes more and more a part of who you are, so the contrast between this state and going back to normal human existence is so jarring that it feels so inappropriate, and unnecessary, to be "normal" anymore.

Whatever that is.

typecast

letting go

Have you ever let go enough that you realize just how much more there is to let go of? Like, you weren't aware of what was involved, but now that you know, it's all a bit mind-boggling that this entire world existed previously without your being aware of it, and now you are?

I could build a whole story around how overwhelming or huge or big or difficult it is, but I'm not going to. It's good to let go of the initial story. Let's not start another one, shall we? Much more fun to come up with some resistance toys to make it fun, this letting go, this allowing, this wandering free range and all.

nudges 4.3.08

I appreciate so much:

1) Finding bright orange and pink accessories, my latest color fascination, at the dollar store with which to update my bathroom. $10 and viola! a new room;

2) Finding awesome clothes at the thrift store that included quite a bit of orange with which to jump-start my wardrobe into spring and leave this dreary winter behind;

3) Big oval bathtubs and fireplaces;

4) Big heavy coverlets that just coax you into sleep;

5) Neighbors and landlords who take care of your packages that arrive while you're away;

6) Knowing that you've internalized something rather than just being excited about a concept;

7) RadioParadise;

8) Trust;

9) Making my first sale of a blissmonger bracelet - more to come;

10) Boston Terriers who teach me about letting go;

11) Chocolate beet brownies

Have you met your cluster mates?

Last night I was inspired to pull together a salad made with dandelion greens, goat cheese and grapefruit sections, using the new grapefruit sectioning double-bladed knife that I bought last week and then realized wouldn't be able to join me on the airplane in my carry-on, so thank you ma for mailing it to me - and finishing up with a drizzle of olive oil. If I had had pecans or walnuts or almonds or even sunflower seeds, I would have added those as well. The taste combination just took me by surprise with its urgency to be put together, like it wasn't my idea, I was just the vessel for the taste sensation to manifest itself.

And then there was this snippet from the latest Abraham-Hicks CD:

"Also, and this is what you're reaching for, and it's big and it's accurate and you know it and we'll say it anyway - you come forth in clusters, with intentions to enhance one another's experience, and when you meet up with your cluster, it's really fun."

How cool is that?! I've bumped into a few cluster mates lately.

Have you?

clusters

Last night I was inspired to pull together a salad made with dandelion greens, goat cheese and grapefruit sections, using the new grapefruit sectioning double-bladed knife that I bought last week and then realized wouldn't be able to join me on the airplane in my carry-on, so thank you ma for mailing it to me - and finishing up with a drizzle of olive oil. If I had had pecans or walnuts or almonds or even sunflower seeds, I would have added those as well. The taste combination just took me by surprise with its urgency to be put together, like it wasn't my idea, I was just the vessel for the taste sensation to manifest itself.

And then there was this snippet from the latest Abraham-Hicks CD:

"Also, and this is what you're reaching for, and it's big and it's accurate and you know it and we'll say it anyway - you come forth in clusters, with intentions to enhance one another's experience, and when you meet up with your cluster, it's really fun."

clusters

Last night I was inspired to pull together a salad made with dandelion greens, goat cheese and grapefruit sections, using the new grapefruit sectioning double-bladed knife that I bought last week and then realized wouldn't be able to join me on the airplane in my carry-on, so thank you ma for mailing it to me - and finishing up with a drizzle of olive oil. If I had had pecans or walnuts or almonds or even sunflower seeds, I would have added those as well. The taste combination just took me by surprise with its urgency to be put together, like it wasn't my idea, I was just the vessel for the taste sensation to manifest itself.

And then there was this snippet from the latest Abraham-Hicks CD:

"Also, and this is what you're reaching for, and it's big and it's accurate and you know it and we'll say it anyway - you come forth in clusters, with intentions to enhance one another's experience, and when you meet up with your cluster, it's really fun."

clusters

Last night I was inspired to pull together a salad made with dandelion greens, goat cheese and grapefruit sections, using the new grapefruit sectioning double-bladed knife that I bought last week and then realized wouldn't be able to join me on the airplane in my carry-on, so thank you ma for mailing it to me - and finishing up with a drizzle of olive oil. If I had had pecans or walnuts or almonds or even sunflower seeds, I would have added those as well. The taste combination just took me by surprise with its urgency to be put together, like it wasn't my idea, I was just the vessel for the taste sensation to manifest itself.

And then there was this snippet from the latest Abraham-Hicks CD:

"Also, and this is what you're reaching for, and it's big and it's accurate and you know it and we'll say it anyway - you come forth in clusters, with intentions to enhance one another's experience, and when you meet up with your cluster, it's really fun."

clusters

Last night I was inspired to pull together a salad made with dandelion greens, goat cheese and grapefruit sections, using the new grapefruit sectioning double-bladed knife that I bought last week and then realized wouldn't be able to join me on the airplane in my carry-on, so thank you ma for mailing it to me - and finishing up with a drizzle of olive oil. If I had had pecans or walnuts or almonds or even sunflower seeds, I would have added those as well. The taste combination just took me by surprise with its urgency to be put together, like it wasn't my idea, I was just the vessel for the taste sensation to manifest itself.

And then there was this snippet from the latest Abraham-Hicks CD:

"Also, and this is what you're reaching for, and it's big and it's accurate and you know it and we'll say it anyway - you come forth in clusters, with intentions to enhance one another's experience, and when you meet up with your cluster, it's really fun."