Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Inspiration, satisfaction and communication spiraling out of control Franken-bike It's a vicious circle. First this horrible thing happens, which leads to this wretched person having this negative reaction, which makes it impossible for that thing to happen, which dominoes into another diabolical level of calamity, which makes the original horrible thing more entrenched, which... Stop. Take a deep breath or two. Yes, vicious circles can have a resigned air about them of the expected, the relentless and, perhaps, even the deserved. Which is exactly what makes them keep showing up. Inspiration, satisfaction and communication spiraling out of control--why don't circles like that get initiated more often? Why do their more brutal brethren seem to target us with such regularity and with such skill? Delicious circles don't grace our psyches simply because we've been trained to forget what brings them about. We learn how to accept, value and trust other's preferences before our own. During our formative years, this inexorable familial, scholastic and religious erasure process is so pervasive and so ubiquitous, we lose sight of the fact that we even have preferences, lest we be judged as “selfish”. Which is quite fascinating, given the act of our capitulation serves someone else's selfish agenda. Delicious circles are what start to show up when we relearn to honor our preferences, make decisions based on them, and trust ourselves again because we consistently deliver on our promises, to ourselves and to other people. None of this need be deportment that provokes civil unrest and general mayhem, contrary to the argument the powers-that-be like to advance in such discussions. Controlling others from a place of fear of what will happen otherwise doesn't seem to be producing the intended results. In fact, just the opposite occurs. Have you noticed? Interestingly enough, this practice of being caught up in delicious circles requires the same...
some days belong to the crisis psycho pirate I'm not sure what this plant is called, or what that amazing blossom-to-be will eventually be. Those curvy almost tentacle-like tendrils possess shades of the wild thang that eats people in Little Shop of Horrors, but they are quite beautiful at the same time. We all have that dual personality disorder goin' on in every moment. Just depends which one we choose to activate; consciously or knee-jerk, they show up either way. Some days the dolphin side takes over, the part of us that remembers that life is supposed to be fun and that play will net us more of what we want than any amount of manipulation or self-denigration will ever produce. Those graceful, gentle creatures handle moving back and forth between two realities with ease and skill. Breathing air has its cool aspects, and breathing water is home. Both work, and options are good. And some days require allowing the crisis psycho pirate a few drama-filled scenarios to get the pull of resentment and fear out of our systems. Cooler heads may prevail, but a heart that needs to express some rage and frustration will have its day; planning for it saves so much wear and tear on the body/mind. Ceramic dishes sent spinning into concrete works just fine, as well as screaming inside your car at the top of your lungs, wailing on a pillow or a mattress with a wiffleball bat, or plugging into the music that never fails to pull you into a new head space. Whatever it takes, you know? And if you're anything like me, giving in to the pirate takes some doing. Aren't I supposed to be all serene and shit? I'm a thought chaperone. I don't do that drama thing anymore. Well, guess what. We're humans still walking on the planet....

Deb Schanilec

Connected and Committed relationship transformation strategist.

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