Connected and Committed

burrs and slime on the horizon

http://www.geograph.org.uk/

So I’ve been thinking.

Which can be dangerous, for a few reasons.

But ’ve been thinking. This contrast that I’m aware of, this bog of burrs and slime, it might just be a very good thing, an indicator of how things have shifted energetically and that instead of having a set point of overwhelm, doubt or worry on certain things, I’m merely irritated, frustrated and impatient now.

And this irritation is a big change from the worry/doubt/overwhelm vibe. It’s different, and it’s in my awareness so I notice it more, for the moment.

So that’s my new story and I’m sticking to it.

I’ve done the work and I’ve moved.

I’ve chosen a better feeling thought often enough over the last good long while that the law of attraction is bringing me different thoughts now that match the new vibe instead.

It feels different, and pretty soon it will feel normal, and then I’ll move on again.

As for all the blissmongering I’ve done over the past few years, that conscious work has contributed mightily to this shift. And just because I can’t maintain it every single minute doesn’t detract from who I’ve been able to be before, or who I’ll be able to be in the future.

The only way there’s a downside is if I allow myself to get discouraged about being human, and give up. If I choose to cut off the supply of good feeling stuff out of despair, then I lose.

And that ain’t happenin’.

For one thing, it’s not true, this assumption that things won’t get better.

My resistance-ridden ego would like for me to think that way, but I’ve proven to myself that it’s not true.

Falling back on my conditioned, learned, even socially encouraged way of thinking is certainly an option.

But boy, does it suck.

like that

 

http://ow.ly/2hvkP

I look around and take stock of where I'm not.

Hello. When I do that, I miss the opportunity to enjoy what's going on in front of me.

Like the kid who was amazed I knew his name and wasn't too thrilled about it. A few days later, he came back into my classroom to just stand around and hang during passing time until the bell rang.

Like the meltdown I talked my son through stepping away from the edge of ever so deftly.

Like the enraptured joy on the face of a one-year-old's savoring of pretty shiny things on another woman's fingers.

Like the shift in my solar plexus I can feel when I manage a baby step in the direction I want to go from frustration to mere pessimism, causing my casting director to shift everything that's waiting in the wings offstage for me in that direction too.

Like putting together some lime green and fuchsia bracelets that make my tan pop and my inner design goddess happy.

Like dropping yet another load of things that could be better used by others at the Salvation Army.

Like knowing things are going to be amazingly crazy busy and good in a few months and I will look back on this "fallow" time with some wistfulness.

Like that.

I know who to be about it

That's me, alright.

A little blurry, cuz things are moving so fast.

But in a good way.

Looking straight ahead.

Observing, scanning, inhaling, devouring, absorbing, savoring, reveling in.

Appreciating the contrast, that produces a desire, that launches preferences to my cosmic casting director, who stands with his clipboard of people, circumstances and events in the wings, choreographing them all on the stage of my life according to how I choose to feel in any moment.

He's a busy guy these days.

When I remember to work my joy pullers and my resistance toys, I get to new places of "getting it".

When I don't, I feel like crap.

Until I remember again.

So what If things suck for a minute, or a hundred?

I know what to do about it.

Who to be about it.

And that has tons more legs than staying stuck in resentment.

I've noticed.

some days belong to the crisis psycho pirate

I'm not sure what this plant is called, or what that amazing blossom-to-be will eventually be. Those curvy almost tentacle-like tendrils possess shades of the wild thang that eats people in Little Shop of Horrors, but they are quite beautiful at the same time.

We all have that dual personality disorder goin' on in every moment. Just depends which one we choose to activate; consciously or knee-jerk, they show up either way.

Some days the dolphin side takes over, the part of us that remembers that life is supposed to be fun and that play will net us more of what we want than any amount of manipulation or self-denigration will ever produce. Those graceful, gentle creatures handle moving back and forth between two realities with ease and skill. Breathing air has its cool aspects, and breathing water is home. Both work, and options are good.

And some days require allowing the crisis psycho pirate a few drama-filled scenarios to get the pull of resentment and fear out of our systems. Cooler heads may prevail, but a heart that needs to express some rage and frustration will have its day; planning for it saves so much wear and tear on the body/mind.

Ceramic dishes sent spinning into concrete works just fine, as well as screaming inside your car at the top of your lungs, wailing on a pillow or a mattress with a wiffleball bat, or plugging into the music that never fails to pull you into a new head space.

Whatever it takes, you know? 

And if you're anything like me, giving in to the pirate takes some doing.

Aren't I supposed to be all serene and shit?

I'm a thought chaperone.

I don't do that drama thing anymore.

Well, guess what. We're humans still walking on the planet. We need to acknowledge that we experience the gamut of feelings that are in the dictionary, and then let them go. Pretending that they aren't there is so old paradigm, and so doesn't serve anyone in the process.

Perfectionism breathes life into the pirate.

circuitry of happiness

I never thought I'd say this, but....

With the power of my retrained brain, the one whose routing I've been chaperoning for a few years now, I entertained a new thought today.

And the conjuring of it went further along on its neuropathway than it ever has before.

I sent out a message in a bottle that the thought should think about what it would be like to be totally in the moment. Unguarded. Certain of a smooth, flowing, ease-full existence.

And it did.

It went beyond mere suggestion and imagery.

It actually embraced the circuitry of happiness.

Even living as a blissmonger such as I do, I've not been there before. Not like this.

Not able to soar up the emotional scale so high that the glass ceiling I'd built above it melted such that I didn't notice.

As with any shift in perspective, this will take some integrating, some getting used to, some pondering.

For a few days.

And then the newness will wear off, the novelty will fade, and the state will just be normal.

This I can handle.

Inspiration, satisfaction and communication spiraling out of control

 

Franken-bike

It's a vicious circle.

First this horrible thing happens, which leads to this wretched person having this negative reaction, which makes it impossible for that thing to happen, which dominoes into another diabolical level of calamity, which makes the original horrible thing more entrenched, which...

Stop.

Take a deep breath or two.

Yes, vicious circles can have a resigned air about them of the expected, the relentless and, perhaps, even the deserved.

Which is exactly what makes them keep showing up.

Inspiration, satisfaction and communication spiraling out of control--why don't circles like that get initiated more often?

Why do their more brutal brethren seem to target us with such regularity and with such skill?

Delicious circles don't grace our psyches simply because we've been trained to forget what brings them about.

We learn how to accept, value and trust other's preferences before our own.

During our formative years, this inexorable familial, scholastic and religious erasure process is so pervasive and so ubiquitous, we lose sight of the fact that we even have preferences, lest we be judged as “selfish”.

Which is quite fascinating, given the act of our capitulation serves someone else's selfish agenda.

Delicious circles are what start to show up when we relearn to honor our preferences, make decisions based on them, and trust ourselves again because we consistently deliver on our promises, to ourselves and to other people.

None of this need be deportment that provokes civil unrest and general mayhem, contrary to the argument the powers-that-be like to advance in such discussions.

Controlling others from a place of fear of what will happen otherwise doesn't seem to be producing the intended results. In fact, just the opposite occurs. Have you noticed?

Interestingly enough, this practice of being caught up in delicious circles requires the same vigilance, fortitude and effort that maintaining the vicious variety does, only the payoff sustains and enhances the world, rather than diminishes and detracts from it.

May the circle be unbroken.