Connected and Committed

JOT Day 101 - Tired

Tired eyes.

Going to be taking a break from the monitor for spring break with little man.

Back in a few.

JOT Day 100 - Now what?

 

You've done everything you were taught to do as a "responsibile adult", and there still is this thing that you can't figure out how to "do".

Maybe it's finding that perfect partner. Or turning the relationship you do have into the one you really want.

Or making the money you know deep down you deserve, doing the work that you were meant to do.

Or getting healthy again.

Or understanding why you're angry all the time.

Or anxious.

Or just. not. happy.

The toolbox of solutions that this culture gave you is now empty after fruitless application of its contents.

You want answers.

Cuz this shit has got to stop.

You want clarity, energy, money, time, peace of mind.

How do you get out of your own way?

Now what?

JOT Day 99 - Prime the pump with imperfect action

Ooo.

Just about to break the three-digit mark here in JOTland.

There is something about that mile-marker that feels substantial, good and true.

And it's interesting that I experienced a bit of movement around my marketing messaging today with my coaches at this juncture.

Very interesting.

I'm proving to myself, again, that taking action from a stuck place starts from wherever you are, with an intention NOT to be stuck.

And a predisposition to take some action, ANY action, to get things moving.

It's more about priming the pump than getting it perfect.

Cuz getting it perfect, well, that's probably part of what got you stuck in the first place.

 

 

JOT Day 98 - Sylvia the Harpist from Cleveland

I'm taking an improv class, and tonight we got our first taste at scene building.

For a few moments, I was Silvia the retired harpist from Cleveland whose children don't visit her anymore because they think she's crazy.

And then I was an expert shoe maker for possums being interviewed on a cable access channel.

It was a ton of fun.

And the guy who usually freezes up because he's trying so hard?

He LOVEd it.

He even volunteered to go twice in that last exercise.

It was amazing to behold.

Going outside your comfort zone almost guarantees amazing things, just because normal is so, well, normal.

It's just that pesky fear that gets in the way.

Or not.

 

JOT Day 95, 96, 97 - Authentic story

Authentic story.

The one where you once had a problem, and you went looking for a solution, and you found one.

Apparently this puts you in an elite group of humans, maybe 2% of the population or something like that.

The ones who do something about what's going on in their lives.

Sure, they think about it, maybe for years.

But at some critical juncture, they actually take some action.

Wow.

I forget that sometimes.

I forget how intimidating a solution looks to someone who can't see it that way.

I forget how overwhelming it looks to someone who can't hear it that way.

It's a fascinating relationship, the human spirit and the human.

Thankfully one rises above the other.

What's your authentic story?

JOT Day 94 - What pisses you off?

What pisses you off?

What preventable "crime" gets in your craw?

Nothing wrong with an emotional provocation.

It means you are alive and breathing, have blood moving through your veins, and aren't completely numbed by modern civilization.

But then.

What solution have you crafted for this abomination?

What's your contribution to bettering the planet in this particular regard?

Hmm.

It's easy to get stuck in the juice of resentment, indignation, justification, stewing in that energy and seeing it as a contribution.

Staying stuck doesn't serve you, or that thing you rage against.

It is possible to move on.

And then be able to make the world a better place.

Starting with yours.

Would you like to learn how?

 

 

 

 

JOT Day 93 - Resistance to the next step

It's not very often anymore that I feel resistance of any magnitude on the ol' resistance scale.

But I'm learning new skills these days, skills that touch on several areas of just plain old lack of knowledge, and I'm feelin' the pain.

Not necessarily physical or emotional pain, but I'm feeling the edge that people get to when they see a possible solution to a problem in their lives, but the space between them and that solution seems to vast and so crazy impossible that they simply stop.

And the problem continues, unabated and probably with more of a bite because they are silently or not-so-silently berating themselves for not having the chutzpah to actually do the thing that scares them.

Months or years can go by before the problem consumes so much of their time and waking hours wondering what the hell to do about it that they become willing to venture close to that solution again.

Maybe.

I get that.

I get that things can feel so big and so unattainable that it just feels better to stop trying.

And the solution that is so enticing and tantalizing also feels like a huge albatross around your neck.

Because what if you fail?

What if you do it wrong?

What if it doesn't work?

What if....

We allow our minds to play these games with us.

That looming, dark, impossible quality to what we think we want is just a trick our egos play on us, drafting off the self-talk loops we learned from those around us growing up who were also playing that game with themselves.

Because the truth is, it's never as difficult as we think it's going to be.

The awful thing that we dread happening never happens.

The discomfort we anticipate is quickly replaced with a new sense of confidence and accomplishment that we didn't anticipate.

And there is no fail. Just judgment.

There is no "wrong". Just overachievement syndrome. 

And if things don't work out 100% the first time, that's because we're practicing, and it's highly unlikely that anything happens 100% right out of the gate.

Ever.

You didn't allow this mind-game stuff to prevent you from learning how to walk, or talk, or feed yourself.

You knew way back then that these were the next logicial steps in navigating this big ol' world, and you didn't spend one minute thinking about not being able to learn how do them. 

Remember?

JOT Day 92 - That sacred transaction

We undervalue what we know.

"If it comes second nature to me, doesn't everyone get it?"

Um, no.

No one comes to the table with the same filters, experiences, skillset, confidence, ability or attitude.

No one.

And no one comes to the table with yours.

Except you.

No one knows what you know, has been where you've been, has conquered what you've conquered, has learned what you've learned.

We undervalue what we know.

 

JOT Day 91 - Check, check, check

Set up calendar for new clients. Check.

Read packet on authentic interviews. Check.

Listen to mp3 downloads on authentic niche. Check.

Redo client questionairre. Check.

Field interesting little blips of resistance and smile. Check.

 

JOt Day 87, 88, 89, 90 - Why Was That Such a Big Deal

Well, because it was.

And now it's not.

What once seemed so looming, so daunting, so impossible, so overwhelming--is now just an integrated part of you.

Remember junior high? Or middle shcool, or whatever it was called where you were when puberty and the cult of peer pressure kicked in?

Talking to a member of another gender seemed an especially ridiculously difficult task, mostly because we made it out to be so in our heads.

And bought into what the culture tells us about relationships and dating and making sure that we put across an "image" of someone, not necessarily ourselves. Because we've been practicing not to be who we really are for about a decade by then.

We're told, "Just be yourself," and that's about the last thing we ever do, any day of the week.

Sigh.

So this week I got to experience the shift from daunting to very, very doable--I knew that it would be, but I had other human components to factor in, which means the outcome isn't under my control--with a particular event, and it feels pretty darn good, to more than one of the components involved.

Just another cha-ching in the physics of emotion department.

I practiced ever increasingly better feeling thoughts around the subject, and the outcome was fabulous.

I didn't try to fix something in the usually left-brained, human hunt-it-down-and-kill-it fashion.

I let my emotions show me the way.

Cuz they are calling the shots anyway.

I just learned how to work with them, not brace myself against their onslaught.

They really are user friendly.

Really.

 

JOT Day 86 - Moving On Up, To the East Side (of the Emotional Scale)

In the framework that makes sense to me about how the universe works, there's a phenomenon at work all the time that affects our experience on the planet.

Gravity falls into that category, but that's not what I am referring to.

I'm talking about the principle that's at work whether we realizeit, or acknowledge it, or not.

Some people refer to it as the law of attraction--like attracts like, things likened to itself are drawn.

I've started calling it the physics of emotion.

Because emotion is what drives this whole mechanism.

And I think that is fabulously ironic and fascinating at the same time.

Ironic because our culture is currently fueled by the power myth--might makes right, control is where it's at, and all that ineffective gesturing that has gotten us into the quagmire we are in.

Fascinating because science is beginning to discover ways to measure this phenomenon, and it's not what anyone was expecting.

I like that a lot.

Sure, it's a bit unnerving, and sure, it's a tad out of the ordinary, but hey--that's what's called for when the status quo is obviously not working.

When you know how to apply this physics of emotion, you experience the kind of day-to-day that I do--things getting better and better, more complex and deeper satisfaction, all the hallmarks of a well-lived life.

Another example of that occured today while I was on the phone with a local community organization, looking for somewhere for my son to spend some time during the summer.

The perfect opportunity presented itself. Bam.

Why? Because I've been practicing really hard on my moving-up-the-emotional-scale skills.

I've been listening to inspiring material that promotes a positive frame of mind and reinforces the big enough "Why?" to practice in the first place.

I've been catching myself when I think a less than positive thought, and doing what I can in any given moment to turn it into something that serves me, with the help of my Resistance Toys.

I've been persistent.

I've been tenacious.

I've been relentless.

All because I know the location of the pot of gold.

In my head.

 

 

 

JOT Day 85 - When it melts, it melts

Hallelujah. I walked outside without gloves and a hat for the first time since 2010.

So there's that.

And the fact that everything--simply everything--is lining up, the more I do.

When I catch myself pushing against an idea or person's opinion, BAM. Lining up does not happen.

But when I remember to mind my own business and focus on what I want, BAM. Lining up happens.

There have been a succession of moments over the last ten years when I experienced a breakthrough along these lines with significant areas of interest in my life--relationships was the first biggie that I could physically feel different around. In the beginning there were snapshots of time where I didn't feel anxious or powerless or less-than, and try as I would, I couldn't budge that knowing in my gut.

Then they got longer and longer until it was the whole photo album of moments, and the times I felt anxious were the exception, not the rule.

These days I feel that way about pretty much everything. Feeling less than stellar is the exception.

I still need to re-orient in the morning and purposefully choose where I want my thoughts to go, but so does everyone. That isn't a sign of weakness or an ineffective technique. We are human, and we forget this stuff without reminders.

And that's why we're all here, to help each other remember.

But the pay-off is so worth it, paying the price of happiness to lose the anxiety is a no-brainer.

Can you say that about your spiritual practice?

 

 

 

JOT Day 84 - The Devil and The Usual Suspects

I watched The Usual Suspects again recently, and since I'm different this time around, of course what I got out of it was different.

What I remember from my first viewing was the very end, where the Kint character very cleverly walks free and transforms into someone we were led to believe he was not.

In the hours after the film was over, this line stuck with me: "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

This applies to personas, and to cultural phenomenon, too, the kind that are so cleverly implemented that we don't realize what their influence really is, and then blame each other for their intended side effects.

It would be possible to substitute most marketing and advertising for the word devil in that quote from the film, the kind that is not authentic or permission based, the kind that creates emotional voids and then pretends to fill them.

It would be possible to substitute most organized religions--not the people in them, but the powers that be--because their power comes from our giving ours away.

What is amusing to me is that this control "they" are after-- and the money that can be made from it--doesn't have to be manufactured nefariously. There's more than enough to go around for everyone.

In fact, the economy would explode were our dollars spent on what really feeds us.

We'll buy bottled water. Just don't tell us it's not from the backyard spigot.

I'd like that economy, please.
 

JOT Day 83 - That kind of vicious circle

Unintentional but glorious sleeping in.

Homemade spinach omelets. With bacon.

Writing newsletter copy in advance.

Packing a few boxes.

Anticipating the above freezing weather about to come our way.

These are the things that fuel dancing in the upper registers of the emotional scale.

And thus drives the arrival of more good stuff in the future.

That's the kind of vicious circle I like being caught up in.

 

JOT Day 82 - I like answering questionnaires that have questions worth answering

I like answering questionnaires that have questions worth answering.

"What would you bring with you to a deserted island?" is not a question worth answering.

You don't get to choose what you'd take if you end up on one, so why the question?

Here's one worth asking: "What accomplishments must, in your opinion, occur during your lifetime so that you will consider your life to have been satisfying and well lived--a life of few or no regrets?"

And one worth answering.

You can't do it with favorite television shows or the viral video of the week.

You have to reflect and ponder and decide and discover and realize to answer that question.

And of course all kinds of things will come up for processing, like why am I not doing those things that will sum up to my satisfying life?

I know why.

I know why, and I know how to stop not doing those things.

And I'm learning how to tell you what I know, so you can benefit from that knowledge too.

I promise I will never ask about the desert island.

But I will ask about the well-lived thing.

Because everyone deserves that kind of life.

Everyone.

Especially you.

 

JOT Day 81 - This Kind of Adventure

More sidewalk showing every day. Woo hoo!

Started in with the work in my coaching. Answering probing questions begins the process before the first substantive conversation takes place.

I wish everyone this kind of adventure.

JOT Day 80 - Breadcrumbs from a buddy

I committed to investing in myself and working with a coach today, and I can't wait to dig in and get to The Work.

I've been in this kind of relationship before, and the results are amazing.

Whatever the focus of the coaching, if you are coachable, your life will change in ways you couldn't imagine, because you don't have your own entrenched thoughts as your only source of information.

You get someone else's experience and wisdom who has been there, done that, and knows that it isn't all that hard, it just takes practice and showing up. It's also nice to have a map from someone who left breadcrumbs for the rest of us.

Momentum is building as I approach the one-third mark of this project.

And I have a feeling the pace picks up exponentially from here.

 

 

JOT Day 79 - Weasel-free Zone

This entire JOT project is about taking risks and putting myself out there in ways that feel right and push my comfort zone boundaries while still having fun.

I started reading the Poke the Box workbook recently that accompanies the Domino Project Poke the Box publication. Among other things, it says, "This will require you to explore corners of your life where you hesitate, procrastinate, or weasel your way out because you're afraid."

I like the distinction there. Sometimes we do those things because we really don't want to be doing them, and we said we would because we wanted to be perceived as nice.

Which I guess still comes around to being afraid of being who we really are, without checking with the social acceptability police first.

Granted, we have only been practicing those skills that we were taught way-y-y-y-y-y back when by people who passed them down because the same had been done for them.

Breaking the chain of ancestral baggage is a noble cause, one that I think should be embraced more often.

It is scary.

But boy, does it feel good to let go of those artificial restraints that sap the life out of you.

More: "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." - Alice Walker.

Not that they don't have any, but that they THINK they don't have any.

Cuz it's always within reach. It just might have been gathering dust in someone else's agenda for awhile.

Taking it back requires courage and fortitude and having had enough of something, already.

Actually, it only takes withdrawing your implicit consent with unspoken social agreements that are founded on faulty reasoning, otherwise known as lies.

Most popular one? "You aren't good enough just the way you are."

That's where the weasling began, trying to get around the discomfort of being burdened with an untruth that reverberates around the cosmos.

I declare a weasel-free zone for all of us.

Done.

Next?

 

JOT Day 78 - Follow your gut bliss

That's what I said. Follow your gut bliss.

That's what I'm doing these days, as opposed to trying to think my way through an experience.

Feel your way through it. Follow your intuition and your inner guidance. You know when you're skidding off into analysis paralysis. It sucks, doesn't it?

Today I spoke with some new folks in my life who were speakin' my language on several occasions, and it felt so good. I can tell I'm in another stretch of good stuff again, after a patch of fallowness.

Which is fine. It's all part of the process and is quite predictable by now.

On to more gut bliss.

 

JOT Day 76, 77 - Improv is fun!

Went to my first improv class last night at Dudley Riggs. It was fabulous. Since the philosophy behind the program is play and creativity and fun, I felt right at home. The instructor led us through some ice-breaker exercises so we could get to know each other and some of the nervousness and overwhelm could be diffused.

It's a very interesting group. I met a woman who is a scientist, an artist and a monk, all in the same body/mind. Isn't that amazing? And she wanted to find out what improv could add to her life too. I'm the oldeest one there chronologically, I'm fairly certain. There are two sets of newlyweds. Someone who has experience teaching overseas. And a lawyer who teaches yoga. Can't wait to get to know these people better.

And to feel the shift inside as I get more confident and able to be wacky on my feet. Cuz that's the whole idea.

JOT Day 74, 75 - Take the planet's evolution off of pause, and press play in your life

Resistance is fueled by unexamined or unchallenged beliefs that aren't true.

It's also fueled by putting other people's needs before your own. This is otherwise known as being a doormat.

Another thing that keeps resistance in place is not honoring the requirements you have developed and are afraid to teach others so they will know how to treat the new you.

Especially you--how to treat yourself differently.

It's so much easier to keep the status quo in place.

Or is it?

The amount of energy it takes to hold a train-wreck waiting to happen in place is a thousand times more than letting it go and doing what you really want to do.

Clarity is priceless. It takes away the smoke and mirrors of the foothold resistance thinks it has on you, and makes things very simple: you are holding on to beliefs that don't serve you and don't serve those around you, and it feels safer to stay small than it does to grow.

So are you going to let yourself get away with that?

It drives you crazy when you see it in your friends and family. Why should you be able to continue this slow poisoning of yourself?

The price you pay for safety is too high.

It robs you of your vitality, your income potential, your creative expression and your dignity.

Cuz Resistance's cousin, Inner Critic, has field days with this stuff, doesn't she?

it doesn't matter where those messages came from originally--it was either a family member or a religious authority figure or a teacher of somebody that needed to feel bigger than you in that moment.

Or it's ancestral baggage that hasn't been processed for decades, and you're the lucky one who gets to deal with it for the family, since they aren't about to.

But it doesn't matter where it came from. It's a lie, and you don't have to believe it anymore.

Take the planet's evolution off of pause, and press play in your life.

The ripple effect alone is worth the perceived price of admission.

JOT Day 73 - Right on schedule

So this resistance thing I've been wrestling with, or trying not to wrestle with, I got some relief from it this morning.

There were some thoughts rolling around in my head that felt better and gave me some hope that this thing is starting to shift.

You can tell when you've done some good work upstairs because thoughts that are different than the ones that drive you nuts become available to you.

So I was able to build another page on my website and move forward with plans for others.

I received my improv class registration info and have it all ready for Monday evening.

And a very good friend offered some relavent info for mitigating my quandry.

Thank you, universe, for setting things up the way you've set them up. Once I catch on, I get it, and then it's come along for the ride or get out of the way.

JOT Day 71, 72 - Resistance thy name is futile

Every once in awhile, we run into resistance so thick and gooey that it is magnificent in its perceived impassibility.

It's been a long time since that's happened to me, but here it is, on my doorstep, in my lap, staring me down like the amusing little gremlin that it is.

Except it feels like a giant.

I can't really put my finger on exactly what is kicking up such a fuss, but I have a pretty good idea, and that is all the seeding it takes to go on a decent hunt for resistance bear.

It's a pretty good rule of thumb that wherever there is resistance there is big, juicy change ready in the wings, just waiting for you to make a shift in your beliefs.

Only the big, bad resistance bogey man likes to take all the attention and limelight.

He'd like for us to believe that what we perceive to be true is true, so he can stay safe and continue ruling the roost.

And maybe he does for a little while.

But then the shifts start happening, and he has no choice but to relinquish command.

He never entirely disappears, and he doesn't need to.

He can assume the role of outback guard around the campfire, staying alert for any real dangers that might be lurking in the shadows.

All that extensive training doesn't have to go to waste.

 

JOT Day 70 - Refined Sugar and my bundle of joy

Brain fog still remains, but I do feel about 2000% better than I did one week ago.

At times like these is when baby steps are even more valuable. They have even more impact than on days when we could tackle a gazillion things in our inboxes.

SoI'm counting posting this update, for Day 70--woo hoo!--as my babystep, because I could so easily say screw it, I'm not doing it.

And I am appreciating the amazing ability of my body/mind to right itself. With my assitance in giving it nutrients that don't cancel each other out--i.e. refined sugar, I'm taking off the load that put me where I am in the first place.

Our bodies weren't built to process that stuff, and we each react to its presence in different ways.

Mine particular ways and means are weight gain, of course, since each 4 grams of refined sugar equals a teaspoon of the stuff that eventually turns into body fat.

For those of you who drink canned sugar water (pop), how many teaspoons of sugar do you eat a day? Multiply the number of sugar grams times the number of servings, and then divide by 4.

It's amazing.

My body also reacts to chemicals much more easily as a response to the load sugar puts on my system.

And a repressed immune system.

That's my bundle of joy too.

Wah-h-h-h-h-h-h.