Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Coffee Grounds are the Spice of Life Coffee grounds are a necessary evil in the production of magnificent java beverages. Getting the used grounds to an acceptable receptacle can be tricky business, as anyone who has had to clean up after a nasty spill can testify. But there just isn't any way around having to deal with the sloppy, messy stuff that's left over if you want a cup full of various degrees of caffeinated goodness. The same holds true in being alive on the planet. Those relationships and jobs and living situations that we perhaps cringe over and might even prefer never existed? They are life's coffee grounds. They served a purpose in helping us to hone in on our preferences in a life partner, an employment situation or a lifestyle that makes us happy. Very few people emerge as young adults unscathed enough from the "you-should-do-things-this-way" immersion that is childhood to A) know what those preferences are, and B) to actually pursue them without the burden of recrimination from one member of the peanut gallery or another. So for the rest of us, dating and/or marrying a certain type of person, or studying a certain subject area in college, or buying a certain type of abode is more than likely going to be a practice round of sorts, because we got trained out of listening to the reliable source of wisdom within. But even if we got all of those things "right" the first time, there are decades to come where our interests will grow and shift and change, so what felt like the right "fit" at 21 will suddenly not satisfy in the least at 45. That's how life is supposed to be. We are supposed to grow and shift and change, in spite of what we're taught about the illusion of security and...
This has absolutely nothing to do new year's resolutions by Deb Schanilec Ah, yes. The new year's resolution hoopla is in full force. I hope you've found a way to insulate yourself from it. Seriously. Any self-respecting change process worth its salt hasn't transpired because of a calendar page turning. That is not to say that growing restless and weary of some unacceptable circumstance continuing into the year quickly approaching hasn't been the inspiration for the dropping of a habit that doesn't serve, while successfully exchanging it for one that does. Peel back the surface of that inspiration however and you'll see the true mechanics of change at work. The order in which these layers peel themselves away isn't important; it's the peeling away that matters. Layer #1 - There was an element of closure underneath that successful inspiration. A line was crossed in our thinking as to how things were going to be from now on. A recognition dawned of who exactly held the keys to unlock the door of the self-imposed prison we lived in. A belief was busted. And things were never the same again. Layer #2 - There was a draining of resentment, justification and self-loathing juices from our daily marinade. We bumped into a set of words we'd not heard in quite that way before, and suddenly it all made sense. That thing that occurred years ago, and the resulting position we defended for decades because of it, it lost its hold on us. Any substantive change I've ever seen happen, happened because the person identified a piece of misinformation that was running them, and then dropped it for a truth that set them free. Not "the" truth. Just a truth. And that made all the difference. Layer #3 - While we might not have been aware of it at the time, there were...

Deb Schanilec

Connected and Committed relationship transformation strategist.

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